Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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