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• (903): View more from Texas

  Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties

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• (585): View more from New York

  She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.

  (585): View more from New York

  Aren't divorce parties fun?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  You and I have very different definitions of fun.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are

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• (845): View more from New York

  well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..

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• (805): View more from California

  GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!

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• (915): View more from Texas

  He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers

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