so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
