i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
