I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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