Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
