We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
