She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
