Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
