They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
