I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
