I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
