I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
why is half of my head shaved?
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