Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
