For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
