a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
