billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
