i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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