i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
