the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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