I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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