the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
