the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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