I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
