Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
