OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
