She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
