He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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