90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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