If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
