Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
