Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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