im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
