Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
