he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
