I cockslap morals
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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