some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
