the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
