i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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