my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
wow bdsm is so cute
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