You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
