I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
