Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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