Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
