got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.