apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan