if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock