I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize