All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.