Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize