talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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