HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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