I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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