i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
