Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
