You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
