i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
