Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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