Got a toothbrush?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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