Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
