my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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