JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
