WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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