My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize