peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice