i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis