You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.