Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says