Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick