she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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