What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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