Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
