I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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