dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
