she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
