True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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