How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
