legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
