You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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