wanna go halves on a baby?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.