Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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