ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They took my balls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.