The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
