I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
handjob tips. give me some.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
