Whod you bang
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
