lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
